Intoxication.

Intoxication.

Intoxication is my hiding place.
It’s the dark cave I run to when the light from the truth burns my eyes.
It’s the blanket that shields me from the cold whisper of my conscience.
It’s the closet I crawl in to escape the long arms of remorse and avoid the sharp claws of regret.

I pour it over my body and spray it onto my mind.
I soak in it.
Like deeply dampened bed sheets and darkly damaged pride.
Broken and scarred. Running and reeling.
I drink every drop to drown out my defects.
I toast to tomorrow to forget about today.
Suffocated.
Buried alive by all I won’t remember.
Covered in lies by all I can’t forget.

I sip from its lips to fade out every memory.
I taste from its tongue to surrender every sin.
This world is too tough for my fears.
And too angry for my “almosts.”
The wait of my dreams is drugged by the weight of my indecision.

I stumble.
Fall without grace. Drunk with wasted wishes.
Lying face down in a pool of unkempt promises.
Far from the reach of failure.
Farther from the stares of success.

I can’t look at my face sober.
I can’t stand the sight of Real Me.
The daze of my days blurs my tired vision.
The artificial high keeps me above my superficial lows.
Tipsy with incoherent needs.
Totaled with incomplete sentences.

I don’t want to look at what I’ve done.
I don’t want to see what I’ve become.
So I feed my bones this poison.
To save my heart this pain.

But the beats still break on the inside.
The scars still bleed below the surface.
I am lost under the influence of all that scares me.
Unreached by honest eyes.
Unloved by familiar fingers.

I need to put down this bottle if I’m to rise above this battle.
It hurts to be open. But it’s the only way to be free.
I can’t show myself to the world until I reveal myself to me.

Unmasked and unmended.
Unarmed and unafraid.
Intoxication was my hiding place.
And only I can find me.

Only I will find me.

#besomebody.

Kash  $

 

26 Comments
  1. Avatar

    I just read it. I have a friend dong this right now. What’s crazy is when you are a person that does not ‘hide’…its hard to befriend those that do. But what I have learned is that we all have to start somewhere, and maybe that’s why you have met the person running from reality in the first place. Maybe they are running into reality w/ you 🙂

  2. Avatar

    Wow, the new site is amazing!! It’s hard to improve perfection, but ya’ll nailed it!

    I’m really excited about the #besomebody gear and can’t wait to place in my order. Will there also be water bottles, coffee mugs and office supplies coming soon? Fingers crossed! 🙂

    Thank you so much for this post Kash. It’s so Real and Raw. Vulnerable and Powerful!

    “I need to put down this bottle if I’m to rise above this battle.”

    Words can’t express how much I appreciate what you’ve written. I hope you smile knowing the incredible difference that your writing makes to the world.

    Thank you!!!

    1. Avatar

      Kulsum,
      THANK YOU. It’s always so nice to read your comments and hear your thoughts. I always leave inspired and even more energized about what we’re building… I truly believe that together we all can create the most inspirational movement of all-time… it will be a long and hard road, but the right one. 🙂

      thanks for your thoughts re: Intoxication… this actually is one of my personal favorites. Every word was chosen slowly, and carefully, but all with real emotion…. lots of meaning here, at least for me. 🙂

      thanks again and talk soon,
      kash

  3. Avatar

    Hey Kash. Powerful stuff. Thought provoking too as although you have written about ‘hiding’ under the influence of alcohol, you can expand it to be hiding using anything, self-delusion, drugs, the promise of doing it tomorrow….. doesn’t matter. The truth is that you have to be straight and honest with yourself about what you are really doing versus what you should be doing to #besomebody. It is also a blog that provides hope ….. as you can always choose to make that change and start to #besomebody. You don’t have to stay as you are …. yes you might need help and support but it is always there for you to change and start making the right moves. In the end it comes back to us, the individual, and our choices in life. Do we really want to #besomebody or not. I have made my choice…. even though like all of us I falter along the way sometimes.

    1. Avatar

      Totally with you dambusters2012… So many things we can hide behind and those things often feel overwhelmingly like a part of who we are… Empowering to read a post like this and know that decisions to change and evolve can be made as quickly as those to stay complacent… Another great post!!!

    2. Avatar

      Simon,
      I couldn’t have said it better myself. You captured it all…. thank you.

      hope all is well,

      kash
      #besomebody.

  4. Avatar

    Wow, this is me. Can’t think of a better way to relate & describe what I’m dealing with inside. I’m so grateful to have read this & to not only be inspired by what #besomebody. is about, but to face the truth of my own demons. Favorite line of this post: “I can’t reveal myself to world until I reveal myself to me.” Once again, Kash, thank you!

    1. Avatar

      Apologies.. the line is “I can’t show myself to the world until I reveal myself to me.” Still my favorite 😉

  5. Avatar

    Hiding, in Intoxication is a reality. One I fought for many years, the
    destruction it leaves. Often drives many back to the fire of hell. For some it truly gived them a sense of awareness. For me the point of o shit, came to me when my oldest son was 3, looked at me. Said daddy, what are all these bottles for. As I still have a drink time to time. I woke from my destructive lifestyle. Sadly on top of other life situations, the damage was done. That past life has tought me something. Everyday both good and bad, must be seen as a wonderful gift.

    Kash, you have taken a vison many have had. Brought it into the
    foreground. Created not something new, but have encomposed the true expression of humanity. Thank you…….

    1. Avatar

      Thanks for sharing Philip… it’s crazy how we can lose ourselves when trying to RUN from OURSELVES… trying to hide from who we are… i am sorry the past has been tough for you, but really glad you are on the right path for the future. Everyday is an evolution, brother.

      You will make it happen. I believe it.

      thanks again,
      kash
      #besomebody.

  6. Avatar

    intoxication is’nt a shield _ a blanket nor a place to cover up our flaws _ mistakes / it’s a running attitude – face reality _ face the truth .. more normal facing our problem /find solutions not dellusion from intoxication , from hiding …

  7. Avatar

    Mesmerizing as usual. Poetry in motion; every couplet is a masterpiece. You continue to outdo yourself.

    1. Avatar

      thanks Dad. 🙂 this one is one of my favorites, because there’s a lot of double meanings and (hopefully) depth to each word/sentence…

      talk soon!
      kash

    1. Avatar

      thanks Taz… liquid warmth… or solid cold… any elixir that we use to escape our reality and hide from our truth.

      thanks for reading.

      kash

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