Like a stone-faced lie from a cold-blooded tongue. Like worn out branches over beaten up paths. Like a camouflaged coin into a wishless well.
Like dirty snowflakes.
Not the kind of fall that makes you laugh or smile. Not the kind that lets you land into luck. Not that stomach-flipping feeling that spills from the lips of a lover. Not the kind that lifts you…
Not a good fall.
This one is painful. This one hurts. This one is heavier and deeper and darker than I ever thought possible.
Jolting and jarring. With cuts across my body and scars upon my soul. An unholy fall from the graces of my conscience. An ungraceful tumble from the high place I pretended to put myself… from that artificial altitude.
An endless drop into a bottomless loop.
Like a broken star.
But I wasn’t pushed off this ledge. There were no hands in my back or calculated acts of coercion. I wasn’t duped or doped or double-crossed. No surprise attacks or unexpected invasions.
No hired hitmen.
I stole from myself.
I took my own steps. Followed my own excuses. Walked onto the thin air between worthy and worthless expecting to float on my own bullshit. Hoping to hang on my twisted words and clouded judgment. Thinking I could fly by waving my hands at my fears and pumping my pride full of overpriced possessions.
I am the cause of my own demise.
I am the victim of my own condition. I threw myself down when I poured my purpose on the floor and dumped my dreams down the drain. When I chose to bend to my insecurities instead of bowing to my intuition. Feeding and needing and bleeding my ego with every slope and every slip-up.
I did this.
But I can fix it.
The truth can give me wings. Belief can carry me. If I speak it I can soar. Not without pain or penalty or punishment. Not without losses. There’s a price to pay for this fall. But I can rise…
I can lift up from the darkness
I WILL lift up from the darkness.
I will drop my doubts and dump my fears. Unload my insecurities. Relieve my regrets and release my wrongs. Rip the chains of the past from around my neck.
I will let go of everything, and anything, that weighs me down.
I will live Light.
So forget the fall. It’s time to fly.